It's been a while since I've blogged anything on this journal. I can't believe time has flown so quickly. The last time I updated I was entering my second trimester, and now I'm entering my third.... It's so crazy that so much has changed in such a short amount of time.
Well, as I said I'm in my third trimester now - 25 weeks in, and I'm really looking pregnant now. The baby is non-stop moving, and the little flutters of movement I was getting around my 16/17th week have grown into little kicks and punches. It's an incredible feeling each and everytime, and it makes me smile so much. Michael was even able to feel the baby kick a week ago (ever since then the baby stops kicking every time Mike puts his hand on my tummy) and the way his eyes lit up made me smile even more. I don't know what it is but having Michael with me through all of this is probably the only reason why I haven't lost my shit yet. I don't know how I would handle this situation if I didn't have him, or if I were with someone else.... With him it all just seems right.
It still absolutely amazes me that we've only been together for a little more than a year, especially when I think about all the stress and hurdles we had to get through and are still going through. I never thought that we would be able to be together in this way, and I can't deny that I've wanted to be with him for a long time. In such a short amount of time he has become everything to me in ways I never thought possible. I love knowing that his arms are wrapped around me (usually with his hand on my belly, now ^_^) at the end of the night before we go to sleep. I love waking up and still being nestled in his arms. I love the way he looks at me, and how neither one of us can look at each other for long without smiling ear to ear. I still can't believe how lucky I am to be with someone as amazing as he is. I've never been so sure of being with someone, and feeling that this relationship, this child we created, is completely right.
I know I wasn't close to being a saint with any of my precious relationships. I know I fucked up, made some horrible decisions, and had some twisted perception of how relationships were supposed to be. I messed around with people I never should have, I dated people I never should have even considered, but I don't regret any of it. If I never fucked up, had I never gone out of my way to make those mistakes, I never would have found Michael. I wouldn't be how I am today if he wasn't with me - it scares me to think how I would have ended up, or where Life might have taken me, if I never took a chance with him. I've never felt so absolute, so complete and sated in a relationship before. I've never once thought to myself "Okay, this is good. I guess I can learn to live like this." since I've been with him, which is how it was with every other guy I've been with. Mike and I work together, and we keep helping each other to get our lives the way we want them to be. In just a few short months we will be purchasing our first car together (y'know, the whole baby/family thing we got going on now, since the truck isn't really a suitable family vehicle), and then after our little miracle is here I'm going into a CNA program to work my way through school (and to finally leave Kohls behind me) and he's going back to school for computer engineering. I know things are going to be difficult at first, and I know that we will always face a struggle at one point or another, but I'm ready for that and there's no other person in my life that I'd rather face it all with.
I still find myself looking at the ring he gave me a few months ago, and still being shocked that I'm engaged to someone I never thought I could possibly have. I love remembering that day, I love remembering going into Southaven woods and seeing an old couple walk out, holding hands and smiling at us. It was almost like a prelude of things to come that day. We found our way to the dam, and recounted all the days we spent meandering in the woods before we started dating, and were just friends. I'll never forget how Michael got so nervous he started shaking and how his voice quivered when he started speaking about spending our lives together and starting a family. I'll never forget the feeling that took over my soul as I saw him get down on one knee, and ill never forget the look of relief and absolute happiness on his face when I screamed and started crying and said yes, a thousand times, yes. The ring is absolutely beautiful, and I still find myself staring at it in absolute awe. As stupid as it might sound my favorite part about the ring isn't one of the many diamonds on it, its the underlay - the part no one can see unless I take it off, that grabs at my heart. I get so many compliments on it and everytime I do it makes me smile; not because of the admiration, but because I feel like I have a secret with it. I would have been overjoyed with a simple ring, with one diamond on it and shown it off to everyone the same way I flaunted this ring. Instead Mike went out and got me a beautiful silver banded ring, with 40+ little diamonds embeded into it, surrounding a nice one carat sized diamond, and my secret Celtic underlay. It's not the ring that makes me smile, its the fact that he thinks I'm worth this ring (I actually had to talk him out of getting me a second ring because he felt bad that the ring didn't have any emeralds in it.... Such a silly boy XP). My only gripe with it is the same gripe I have about every ring I've ever had - it's a smidgen too big. My fingers are so slender and my ring finger is inbetween a size 6 1/2 and a 7.... It's so damn annoying, and because of the settings on it I can't get the ring resized without risking the settings themselves. But whatever, right? I'll only be wearing it for a little bit before it's replaced with my wedding band ^___^
I think I've rambled enough for one entry.... Now to shower and wait for Mike to come home so we can nuggle and watch a movie <33